well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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