the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
