FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
