Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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