Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
