Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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