I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
