worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
