i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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