I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
