do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
