i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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