did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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