Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
