just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
