So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
wat bout pragnant strippers??
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
