I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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