Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
