I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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