He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My balls are so social today.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
