That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
