i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
