Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
