What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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