YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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