I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
