the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
