how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
