they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize