...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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