margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize