I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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