White coat. Heels.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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