my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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