I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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