I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
