As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
