I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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