he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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