Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
