The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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