I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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