can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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