oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
