My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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