i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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