You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
