Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
