I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize