Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
