One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize