She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
