if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
