So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
