its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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