If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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