Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
