In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
