My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
