I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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