Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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