I got chris browned last night
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize