I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
