I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
