Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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