Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
