I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
