she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize