What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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