...so i touched it.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
