[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
