Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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