the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
