how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
