My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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