He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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