no, he came in my armpit
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
