i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
